First, keep the copy dull and flabby. This ensures nobody will read it. Treat it as a load of squiggly lines that can be put into the right sized box to suit the design. Don’t think about your audience, or why they took the time to visit your website. Make sure you leave out anything …
A muscular fist punches a hole through my chest.Why so scared? Why so scared? Why do you always want to be missed out, skipped over, anonymous? Why make choices that no one will ever see, comment on or know? Here I am still trying to break my arm in The Door rather than speak. I slam myself …
I once made little worlds with moss The soft green cushions Were the lush green grass Of the hills The little trees standing so tall and proud (They do not know they are not tall at all) Pushed the moss cushions into a biscuit tin lid Arranged some pretty stones (Well not pretty – just …
When did magic die for you? I always believed in magic. I mean, really believed in it. Aged 9 I thought if I wished hard enough my cat would talk to me. That he was only hiding his secret self behind his impassive cat face because he could not trust a human. Could never trust a human, not even …
I used to think that the clouds went to bed at night When I saw them softly wandering towards the horizon at sunset I imagined they gathered together In a heap On the horizon Resting Bedded down Until morning came When it was time to stretch and pull away For another day wandering the open …
My cat Jinx was found dead about 2 weeks ago. He loved being brushed, and I tweeted about collecting his fur in a pot, joking that ‘I could make another cat’. Not such a joke now. But I used his fur to make the Heart of Jinx. Then I made a cuddly Jinx out of …
People often ask me, “Hey! How do you get all your creative work?” and “Why are you always in demand for copywriting?” and even, “Can you get me a job?” The answers are simple, if not overly useful. Ideally, you have to be very good at copywriting. Then, you should be really, really nice work …
There’s something very sad happening in the creative industry. I’ve hesitated to talk about, because I hate to sound bitter. But here goes. It’s about the hiring strategy of ad agencies. And before you assume this is all about me, it isn’t. I am not looking for employment. (Unless it’s really, really good. In which …
T’was the week before Christmas, when all through the land Not a creature was safe from austerity’s hand. The P45s were placed in the OUT-tray with care, While Chairman and MD made sure they weren’t there. At home, children nestled all snug in their beds, While downstairs mum and dad raged off their …
I am not keen on the UK government’s decision to go ahead with a hugely expensive, contaminating nuclear power station when clean, low-cost, renewable energy seems so much more foward-thinking. By the time it’s built Hinkley Point’s technology will be almost redundant. So I wrote this — with apologies to Messrs Morrissey and Marr.
the crone 